Hello! I am a 28 year old single Christian millennial figuring out this thing called life. I am educated, come from a loving two parent home and have a great social life! I am no different than hundreds of other people. But what I want to do is talk about some of the revelations I have had since turning 28 (one month) and wanted to share. A lot of these bloggers only share AFTER they are married but I want to share while I am in the midst of dating and share some life lessons I have learned.
1. Don’t Daydream… Ask Questions..
You find a man that looks great on paper. He is everything you would ask for, he even looks like it. But we have one big problem. He is not your man sis. He’s kind, motivated, ambitious and has a relationship with God. But sis, he has not asked you to be his girl, is not ready for a relationship or whatever it may be. My point is he is going to be ALL that and a bag of chips to SOMEONE but it MAY not be YOU! So you go home and day dream and get all excited only in reality you most likely are getting excited about someone else’s husband and straight up wasting your time. Ask him what his intentions are WITH YOU. Most people want to be married but does he want that with YOU? Read in between the lines and ask open-ended questions. Don’t be afraid.
2. Rejection and Vulnerability go HAND in HAND
A. Rejection: For me, I did not ask the questions because I do not like rejection. I have always in the past went after a man that was borderline obsessed. Just really and openly into me from Day 1. That reason is a mixed from being surrounded by older couples that had a short courtship or just “knew” and my fear of rejection. Times have changed and men especially black men are just statistically getting married later in life.
B. Being Vulnerable: Being vulnerable is extremely difficult for me and something that I am aware of and working on it. Being vulnerable allows someone else to have control/ affect on your emotions and a portion of your happiness. We as women can control our career, our bodies, and our money but that heart is a tough situation. We love hard and are in a community that glorifies trap music, strippers, and that fast life. At 28, I have classmates that have already been divorced and on their second baby daddy. I don’t want that for my life, coupled with my own failed relationships I am most comfortable with high-level connections but I realize I will not get what I want with that so I changed.
3. No one is perfect, but don’t leave your morals at the door.
I had met a man that was great on paper but we were raised so different and our beliefs though under the Christian umbrella were so different that I would have been miserable but he was so ready to settle down.
I thought everything was great but decided to have a deep, uncomfortable conversation after date two because the in-depth conversations are what matters most. We realized that we differ from our stance on what is an abomination to how we want to raise our kids, to what are the roles of a man. The black experience is not homogeneous and although I wish him the best, I know that that was not for me at all. I personally felt that God was testing me. Do you want A MAN or do you want THE MAN I CHOSE FOR YOU?
Through these revelations, I realized I am not a feminist in the standard term that everyone uses now.
I believe that woman deserves equal pay for the same jobs her male counterparts. I believe that a woman has a right to live her life in any way she chooses. But for me, I believe in a lot of traditional values. From the GOD-Husband-Wife-Children umbrella that is so popular with the men being a provider. That is what works for me and what I like. I also want to homeschool my children until they are 6-7 so that they are learning English, Spanish, French and an African Language, have great knowledge of self, and a firm grasp on math and science.
What revelations have you had in 2017? List them below, I would love to hear them!